Thursday, February 14, 2013

Ssshhh...It's A Secret

Happy Valentine's Day Chicstars!!! Thought this would be the perfect post to re-visit today.  
Today marks one year, six months and one day since I married the love of my life Vince. It has been a year filled with love, laughter, and many adjustments. There are so many books, articles, and seminars on having a happy marriage. So what’s the secret? Is it money? Marrying your best friend? Sex? No... I’m afraid not. While all these factors are helpful, at the end of the day the secret is.... drum roll please…hard work. Period. Here are some lessons I have learned that I hope will encourage both the single and married folks.
*He is my number one Fan: I realize this more and more from breakfast in bed when he knows I just want to laze around in bed, to putting gas in my car because he knows I hate the smell of gasoline. To be able to just lean on him and know that I can trust him because he loves me deeply is priceless. He tells me the truth...the hard stuff that I don't want to hear that makes me reflect and grow as an individual.
*Prayer Changes Him: I’m not sure why I ever thought I could change my husband’s bad habits but I could talk until I’m blue and He’ll try for a couple of days then forget lol I’m so glad that I learned the power of praying for my husband, I’m truly amazed at how God is transforming him into the man He created him to be, not neccesarily who I want him to be because God ALWAYS knows best!

* Laughter is Medicine: it’s really hard to remain mad at each other if your constantly laughinh. For example when Vince and I are arguing all it takes is a poke in his side and he’s defenseless (sorry babe for putting your business out there lol) or he’ll pick me up and flip me over his shoulder caveman style and all and it’s a wrap. In our marriage you see a lot of teeth because usually we are always laughing at something.

* Men and women are different: DING! DING! DING! you might be like duh..but seriously you really don’t realize how much until your married. Women and men see and feel things differently so embrace your differences, I wouldn’t want to be married to myself so don’t try to create your twin. The very things that annoy me sometimes about Vince are the same things that attracted me to him in the first place...funny how that works. I wouldn’t trade what we are building for anything

* Speak Life: Words are truly powerful it can build up or destroy. So speak life into your relationship, I tend to say things like “babe you always…babe you never”whenever there is a disagreement. So slow down, I literally have to practice taking a deep breath in the heat of the moment and in the end its finding words of love, encouragement, and sincerity that creates a safe place where you can be completely free to be you

* Joy comes in the morning: Whenever Vince and I argue usually he will want to wait until the next day to discuss it while I want to get it solved and resolved now, well I’ve tried it his way and guess what I’m much calmer when I wake up and it never seem as bad as it was the day before…so word of advice sometimes just sleep on it!

* Marriage Does Not Equal Your Transformation: This is one of the most profound lessons. It really is easy to get caught up in everything and think well when I am married I’ll do this, that, and the next. However, if you are not a happy individual you’re not all of a sudden going to become a ray of sunshine when you say I do. The only one who can transform you is God so don’t put such a tremendous responsibility on your husband, it is a guarantee that he will fail. Let God do what only He alone is capable of.

*Aim to please: There is a negative connotation associated with pleasing a man. I completely agree with that if you’re going out of your way in a dating relationship, however when he becomes husband don’t fall apart because you have a ring still cook his favorite food, wear his favorite perfume, do things that you know he loves. I don’t get caught up on the numbers on a scale or dress sizes but be healthy. I love pleasing my husband. There is no shame in my game:)

* Maintain your standards: Just as how you have certain standards and expectations in your dating relationship, create ones for your marriage. I live for surprises… I loveeee it! When Vince and I were dating he had to work hard at coming up with different adventurers for me because according to him he is not romantic by nature, so he thought that once we were married the surprise scould stop. So I kindly reminded him of my expectations (he is doing an amazing job by the way) 

*DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF: Need I say more…life is too short so enjoy each other. finished!

I know there are so many more things to learn and overcome but with God’s grace this is a love for a lifetime. Marriage is definitely hard work but guess what? Making up is always oh so sweet ;)

He Makes Beautiful Things

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  1. love this! I'm getting married in August and it's always great to hear what newly married couples have learned in their first year.

    Be blessed...and stop by

    1. Congrats!! Enjoy your engagement season because everything goes by super fast

  2. Great post I totally agree with everything you said. I have been married for seven years which is hard to believe time flies... I absolutely love being married. Yes, its work but there is nothing else I'd rather be working on than loving my husband each and every day! BLMBlogHop

  3. Aww, this is too sweet. Great list that you put together. I am experiencing the same realizations as I approach a year and a half of marriage. The last picture is too cute!